When good writing goes bad

First, I offer a sign that says more about the writer of the sign than the subject of the sign.

 

Which must mean that McCain is quadroon fleece.  Yes, I used quadroon.  Look it up.

Also, Furman University (mascot: Paladins) is just a few miles from my apartment, and our local paper tries valiantly to get the readers' attention for the online article.  Here's the result of a headline and lede that really could have used some editing.

 

My favorite part?  The last four words.  I'm pretty sure the writer intended that as a cliffhanger to get people to click through.  Where exactly was the editor?  This totally fits my theory that copyeditors should all have dirty minds, just to prevent things like this. 

Here's a link to the original article, for as long as it works.  Click through to find nice, big targets, depth, position, staff, 69, and man coverage.  Seriuosly.

Posted without comment

A bit of academics

[In case you are one of the few people reading my blog who haven't read or seen Wicked, or don't know the plot, let this serve as your warning that I will be spoiling some plot twists.]

After grading all those chemistry papers, I just had to do something using the other side of my brain. 

As I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack the other day, I noticed something.  (I've been noticing a lot of things like this since myB has been teaching me about narrative theory and literary criticism.)  Elphaba and the Wizard have a bit of somethin'-somethin' going on before they figure out the Oedipal shocker.

Rule #1 in narrative theory and lit crit seems to be, "it's all about the sex, and if it isn't, it still is."

(Lyrics from ST Lyrics, whom I use all the time to get accurate lyrics to all my soundtrack songs.)

MADAME MORRIBLE:
(spoken)
Oh, Miss Elphaba
(sung/spoken)
Many years I have waited
For a gift like yours to appear
Why, I predict the Wizard
Could make you his
Magic grand vizier!
My dear, my dear
I'll write at once to the Wizard
Tell him of you in advance
With a talent like yours, dear
There is a defint-ish chance
If you work as you should
You'll be making good:

Madame Morrible isn't just using Shiz to find powerful witches or talented magic users for the Wizard, she is pimping them out!  If the magic gift is a metaphor for sexuality, Morrible is suggesting that Elphaba could become the head of the harem, the primary sexual outlet for the Wizard.    However, Elphaba is subject to the whims of the Wizard's fancy, just like any woman.  Her position is never guaranteed.  Look at all the conditionals: could, definit-ish, chance, if.  While she may have an inborn advantage over any of the other women, she will have to constantly prove herself worthy of the sexual attentions, but even that may not be enough if the Wizard just changes his mind.  (Did you notice in the show how only the women have magic abilities, and the Wizard resorts to trickery to accomplish his magic?  Only the women have expressed sexuality; men are free to use or ignore it as they desire.  The Wizard is powerful because he has convinced Oz that he is sexual, the most sexual.  Paging Dr. Freud.)

ELPHABA:
Did that really just happen?
Have I actually understood?
This weird quirk I've tried
To suppress or hide
Is a talent that could
Help me meet the Wizard
If I make good
So I'll make good;

Wicked is, among other things, a coming of age story.   Everyone goes through a period of uncertainty about their lives, their bodies, and their sexuality.  Elphaba is going through all of these doubts and Madame Morrible has offered her a way to define herself and make sense of the changes and weirdness she has experienced all her life and that are occurring more and more frequently.

Most teens, especially women, have to come to terms with their sexuality and choose whether to express it as a grown woman rather than repress it and remain a girl.  There are myriad examples in the literature and probably our own lives of how we first tried to express our sexual natures, how we may have wished that there were an older, more experienced person to guide us through the process, someone who accepts our sexuality as it is and is willing to mentor us without judgement, praising and celebrating our sexual natures.

When I meet the Wizard,
Once I prove my worth,
And then I meet the Wizard
What I've waited for since,
(Spoken: Since birth!)
And with all his Wizard wisdom,
By my looks, he won't be blinded.
Do you think the Wizard is (Spoken: dumb?)
Or, like Munchkins, so small-minded?
(Spoken: No!) He'll say to me,
"I see who you truly are -
A girl of whom I can rely!"
And that's how we'll begin
The Wizard and I:

Here goes Elphaba, having made her decision to accept Morrible's offer, off fantasizing like the teen girl she's written as.  You can almost picture her doodling bubble-letters in her school notebook: E+W inside a heart.  Writing "Wizard" hundreds of times and dotting the "i" with hearts every time.  Her first love, her first crush, her first experience with the notion that somebody could actually want her for who she is, not to perform some babysitting task.  To this point her father had treated her as a sexless substitute for her dead mother, to be the one who cares for Nessarose and does the domestic duties. 

Just like many kids find their first crush absolutely perfect and anyone who criticizes at all be damned, she preemptively defends the Wizard against what others might say, basking in the assumed praise for her loyalty and womanhood.

Once I'm with the Wizard
My whole life will change
'Cuz once you're with the Wizard
No one thinks you're strange!
No father is not proud of you,
No sister acts ashamed
And all of Oz has to love you
When by the Wizard, you're acclaimed
And this gift or this curse
I have inside
Maybe at last, I'll know why
When we are hand in hand -
The Wizard and I!

The further she gets into her fantasy, the more powerful her sexuality becomes.  For the first time she has given herself permission to embrace her sexuality without shame, even if only in her fantasies.  She becomes the lover of not just the most powerful man in Oz, but of all Oz itself.  She becomes a mother figure, reaping love where there once was rejection.  Her father and sister are no longer of any consequence.  To put it biblically, she cleaved from her family and clung to her new sexual identity.  Any doubts she had or might still have are becoming distant memories, childish flaws that she grew out of into absolutely certainty.  Or, at least that is her fantasy.

And one day, he'll say to me, "Elphaba,
A girl who is so superior,
Shouldn't a girl who's so good inside
Have a matching exterior?
And since folks here to an absurd degree
Seem fixated on your verdigris.
Would it be all right by you
If I de-greenify you?"

This has always struck me as a bit creepy (one might think the Wizard wasn't focused on her verdigris, but on something else that begins with a "v"), and thinking about this section got me thinking about the rest of the song.  Let's bring out the subtext:  

And soon, if I do everything right, he'll say to me, "Elphaba,

You are such a beautiful soul.

You are so mature, more than other girls your age,

We have a deep spiritual connection.

Let's take this to the next level.

You know how those idiots think you aren't worth anything?

Have sex with me so they'll know you are mine and worth caring about."

Green is a symbol in our culture of naïvete, of freshness and newness.  When the Wizard "de-greenifies" her, he is removing her innocence.  Remember, this is all still in her head, her fantasies.  The Wizard hasn't actually made such an offer, except through Madame Morrible, and that was really ambiguous.

And though of course,

That's not important to me.

"All right, why not?" I'll reply

Oh, what a pair we'll be

The Wizard and I;

Yes, what a pair we'll be

The Wizard and...

In the recording, you can hear the giggle in her voice.  She is still innocent, naïve, willing to go along with anything that will help her understand her sexuality and give meaning and importance to the chaos in her life.  Then there's a stop in the middle of a phrase, a gasp, a new feeling that she has never experienced before.  Not to get too graphic, but it's as though she has just now first touched herself in a sexual way, derailing her previous thoughts and taking her to a magical/sexual place.

Unlimited

My future is unlimited

And I've just had a vision

Almost like a prophecy

I know - it sounds truly crazy

And true, the vision's hazy

But I swear, someday there'll be

A celebration throughout Oz

That's all to do with me!

How many of us thought we could clearly see the future in terms of our lives with our first crush?  Planning the wedding, naming the kids, knowing exactly what color the living room walls will be.  In the context of this show, seeing the future is a literal possibility.  But if we go back to magic as a gift of sexuality, every time her magic abilities manifest, we can think of it as sexual arousal.  The outbursts of spells are almost orgasmic: uncontrolled, shocking, cathartic, embarrassing, consuming, and confusing.  Nobody has explained to her what they are, why she is having them, and how much they will take over her life.  She just knows that they feel right, they feel good, and she wants them to continue.  And she sees the Wizard as the one who can give her more frequent, more controllable, and more powerful "outbursts".

And I'll stand there with the Wizard,

Feeling things I've never felt.

And though I'd never show it,

I'll be so happy, I could melt!

And so it will be

For the rest of my life,

And I'll want nothing else

Till I die.

Held in such high esteem.

When people see me, they will scream

For half of Oz's favorite team;

The Wizard

And I!!!!

The clever lyrics ("I'll melt") make reference to what we know will happen from the movie.  Here, Stephen Schwartz employs his own gift of double-entendres in lyrics.  She says that she would want nothing more than the Wizard's full attention until her death.  In fact, once she gets the Wizard's attention, that sets forth all the actions that lead to her death at the hands of the Wizard's proxy: Dorothy.  People will scream when they saw her, but not because she is so famous and popular, but because they are terrified of her.  She is forever linked with the Wizard, but as enemies instead of collaborators.  Her sexuality and magic developed in opposition to this older sexual partner because he became a sexual and magical rival.

Review: Krapp's Last Tape

^*

The Warehouse Theatre is currently presenting Krapp's Last Tape as the first in their "On the Edge" series.  I saw the Friday night showing.

This is considered Beckett's most accessible play, and the least absurd.  The program inserts gave a great summary of the origin and goals of absurdist theatre, including the noncohesion of the movement.  This play is more like a fishbowl than an absurdist play, though it certainly has all the elements of absurdism.  The entire play takes place around midnight of Krapp's 69th birthday in his den.  Every year on his birthday, Krapp records his recollections, revelations, and aspirations on a reel-to-reel machine and catalogs the spools.  Tonight, he listens to one while waiting for his birthday to arrive, then records the titular spool.

Warehouse brought in an actor from Tennessee, a professor if my sources are correct, to play Krapp.  There are lots of authentic and faithful ways to play Krapp: a clownish buffoon, a hyper-tragic character, a loser full of pathos, an everyman beginning the slide to senility and decripitude.  Crosby Hunt hits all of those points masterfully.  His acting was clean, direct, and exactly what the script calls for.  The first third of the play is completely without words, and it would be easy for an actor to rush through the movements to get to the words.  Mr. Hunt took his time, savoring each movement like his character savored the word "spool".  His movements after the words took over the play were inconsistent with his character a couple times, but it rarely broke me out of the show.

I can't get away without mentioning the lighting.  I have rarely seen lighting used so well.  There are two moments in the script that call for Krapp to interact with lamps on stage, but the lighting served as set changes, characters to interact with Krapp, and as windows into Krapp's mental processes.  Kudos to the designer and lighting tech(s).

Having seen other productions of this play before, I set myself a mental exercise to take every action by Krapp at face value, ignoring any attempt at symbolism and looking for evidence in the text that there is nothing absurd about what is happening on stage; the only absurdity is the world around Krapp outside his den.  This was difficult to accomplish, as director Paul Savas (also the artistic and executive director of Warehouse Theatre) layered on the symbolism.  This is not a criticism.  The symbolism was never heavy-handed, and often innovative.

The performance space was wonderfully delicious.  The next time I go I'll get some pictures; my batteries died so I got nothing for this post.  All in all, this performance earns an enthusiastic recommendation from me.  While not everyone has the constitution for absurdist theater, this production is a great introduction.

^*I put new batteries in when I got home and took the pic of the programs.

Conversation of the Day

A.k.a., Separated by a Common Language

Setting: Burger King drive-thru

"Can Ah help you?"

"Yes, I'd like a large vanilla shake please."

"A lahge vanilla what?"

"Shake."

"A what, sugah?"

"A shake.  A large vanilla shake.  Please."

"Do you mean a milkshake, sweetie?"

"Yes.  Large and vanilla, please."
"Sho nuff.  Drahve around."

Random Updatery

School has been eating up all my time, and I can't believe it's been 10 days since my last post.  So here's some random info on what's been going on with me.

Last weekend I went out and found the mall.  I live just up the street from a fairly large shopping center, with an Old Navy and movie theaters, but this is what people around here refer to when they say "I'm going to the mall."  It's about 15 minutes away and at first I thought it was tiny.  Then I found the second floor.  It's about the same size as the Meridian Mall, with all the normal mall stores (Spencer's, Abercrombie, Belk, etc.).  Weirdly, there were as many vacant fronts in the food court as there were in the entire rest of the mall.

I also sold tickets at the football game recently. As I was put on the athletic committee, I have to work two football games, and selling tickets is the least objectionable of those jobs (security? cleanup? concessions? no thanks!).  Each of us three sellers were given a roll of 1000 tickets.  I sold through mine and almost 300 tickets of the guy-next-to-me's roll.  (That's a horribly awkward construction, sorry.)  This, of course, caused the athletic director some mild conniptions in accounting since each money bag should only have the money in it that corresponds to that roll of tickets.  I guess what I should have done was taken his tickets and his money bag both since his window was shut down.  It's not like it was that tough to figure out: my bag should have all the money for 1000 tickets; anything extra goes in my neighbor's bag.  But, I guess that's what happens when you just stick someone in front of a window with no training, lock them in the booth, and leave them alone.

Did a really cool chem lab the other day where we turn pennies into "silver" and "gold".  As with all great chem labs, you know it wasn't really great unless there was an injury.  Behold:

El-li-ot!

School pictures are in.  Never happy, but wev.

Oh, I was in the news recently (this link may not work for long).  Here's a screen cap of it along with the kids hamming it up before the severe trouncing.

 

Heading to see Copenhagen tonight at the local university.  Expect a review soon.

ITLAPD

In celebration of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, my worst best:

A pirate's favorite chemical element?  Arrrrgon
A pirate's favorite transitional fossil?  Arrrrchaeopteryx
A pirate's favorite ancient Greek ship?  The Arrrrgos
A pirate's favorite pair of socks?  Arrrrgyle
A pirate's favorite Parisian landmark? L'Arrrrche de Triomphe
A pirate's favorite comic strip cat owner?  Jon Arrrrbuckle
A pirate's favorite fast food restaurant?  Arrrrby's
A pirate's favorite foreign-born American governor?  Arrrrnold Schwartzenneger
A pirate's favorite Dutch WWII landmark?  Arrrrnhem Bridge
A pirate's favorite Victorian adventure novel?  Arrround the World in Eighty Days
A pirate's favorite overestimated stage play?  Arrrsenic and Old Lace
A pirate's favorite modern aesthetic movement?  Arrrrt deco
A pirate's favorite Caribbean vacation spot?  Arrrruba
A pirate's favorite conservationist holiday?  Arrrrbor Day

Put your own in the comments.

In which Joel really pisses off his cat

Review: Twelfth Night

Saturday night I went to see the Warehouse Theatre's production of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. It was part of the Upstate Shakespeare Festival and performed outdoors in Falls Park on the Reedy (River).


The local paper essentially panned the production, calling it "bedlam" and "frenzied", to which I say, how else should a Shakespearean comedy be played? It was the best kind of bedlam and frenzied in a way that enhanced everyone's enjoyment.

I was truly amazed with the production, even through its odd choices. Perhaps Viola and Sebastian were on an acid trip instead of a sailing ship and that's how they ended up in Illyria. It is costumed as 1960s-era hippies and professionals. Sadly I have no pictures of the performance as photography was banned, and understandably so. The swordfight happens about 30 minutes after sunset, just as the actors' eyes are adjusting to the stage lighting. Flashes going off at that moment would be very bad.


Of the main characters, the only two with whom I had any issue were Malvolio and Viola. He wasn't nearly mean enough at the beginning so when he comes out dressed in yellow, prancing and smiling, there wasn't enough of a contrast to really affect the audience. The part requires him to go from essentially Lurch with acid reflux to Wakko Warner. Viola just felt amateurish. Her phrasing and gesticulation were inconsistent and didn't really help draw the audience into the illusion.

Olivia was outstandingly manic while pursuing Cesario. Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and the maids were hilarious and quite easy to understand. Aguecheek deserves special accolades. The part of the "silly knight" is too often played as farce, but the actor made him completely believable and sympathetic. You felt bad that he was never going to get Olivia. Maria the maid needs to get a job at a Ren Faire.

Those playing the most minor parts were very uninteresting. They shouted their lines out as though they were offended their part was so small. The smallest parts can steal the show, especially in Shakespeare (see: the beggar in Macbeth and Peter in Romeo and Juliet). They didn't seem to be having any fun and stumbled through their parts.

Some important person was making a speech. In fact, this is just after he said, "If you want any pictures of people on stage, you had better take a picture now, because photos are banned during the production." So I took his picture.



Oh, look, even the Theater People Who Try Too Hard (Local 4599) showed up. Yes, she is wearing ski goggles. I wasn't able to get a picture of the guy who was wearing the gold lamé tee-shirt; he stayed behind the crowds often. Yeah. Universal. Quick: name the endearing theater-people stereotypes! (I only mock because these are my people. I may not wear the clothes, but I am at home among them.)


In short, if anyone reads this who is in the Greenville area, go see this show! It's well worth your time and it's free.

Does anyone else...

...wish the George Foreman Grill had a setting somewhere between off and solar flare? Maybe I can hook up a rheostat so my chicken is done in the middle before growing a black carbon shield on the outside.

Greenville, the desperate city

Now, I am an actor and by definition full of myself, but I know I'm no Jake or Brad. Therefore I was totally unprepared for what has transpired over the last couple weeks.

Two weekends ago I received my official certification to teach in South Carolina. Aside from making me legal, it also confirmed my level of education and teaching experience, essentially giving me a 25% raise. So I decided to treat myself to a little meal out, just to celebrate. It was at the Golden Corral. Yeah, I know, but I hadn't gotten the money yet.

My waiter was a sort of cute-ish Latino guy. Nothing great, a bit older, good looking enough for his age. Very friendly. Not flamingly gay but obvious enough to those who might care to look (or be desperately looking for someone else who was gay). Brought me extra hot rolls, not a euphemism. Kept my sweet tea filled, also not a euphemism. Gave me his digits before I left. Yeah.

Then, last Friday I decided to do a real dinner to celebrate my first paycheck, which didn't actually get credited to my account until three days later, but that's beside the point. I went to the Olive Garden that is just down the road from me. Yummy. Never-Ending Pasta Bowl. House wine. Dee-lish. Had a delightful young waitress with a Beverley Hills, 90210 name. Perky thing. Very young. Very thorough and generous. Also gave me her number.

So in Owosso I couldn't get hit on, with one wonderful exception, except by creepy old men. In five weeks in South Carolina I've gotten unrequested phone numbers from two people of differing genders and ages. Just how depserate is Greenville?

Lack of posting

Sorry for the distinct lack of posting this week. Grading, after-school meetings, theatrical productions, and more grading has kept me really busy. I have some postings scheduled for this week, so tune in!

In which Joel gets political

I haven't posted this for nearly a week because I wanted to make sure I wasn't posting out of anger.

At our staff meeting last week, we were discussing the upcoming Community Day. We're inviting all parents, students, alumni as far back as the high school goes, and community members to join us for a day celebrating who we are, what we do, and how we can all work together to help the students.

The church down the street printed up a bunch of football-shaped magnets that list our team's football schedule, and include (in very small print) the church's logo and contact information.

The principal was saying how the pastor asked if he could have a booth set up at the Community Day to distribute those magnets. She told us that she told him no, because if she allowed a church group to come on school grounds and distribute anything, then "any other group, even, like, a gay or lesbian group or something like that could demand to come onto school grounds, and we'd have to let them. I mean, it's their choice and whatever, but we know what would happen if they came here."

Take a moment.

Breathe.

Imagine me trying not to let my face flush or break the pen that is in my hand.

Church-state separation is a separate issue and no secular groups could sue for access to school grounds based on allowing a church group to be on school grounds.

No, I don't know what would happen if "they" showed up. Recruitment? Gasp! Porn? Gasp! Education? Double gasp! I'll ignore the thing about choice.

This is why we need a national, inclusive ENDA. Michiganders, you aren't safe unless you work for the state government. Ain't nobody safe here. I would have no recourse if I were fired simply for being who I am.

I do not want to hear arguments about how ENDA would force religious employers to hire people who don't agree with their business's goals. I don't want to hear about churches who are afraid they might have a transgendered person using a restroom that doesn't match their biological sex. White churches opposed the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Freedom from offense is not guaranteed in the Constitution; human rights are.

Barack Obama supports inclusive ENDA and has sponsored similar legislation while in Illinois. John McCain categorically opposed any type of ENDA legislation. McCain's web site has no section specific to LGBT issues. He has made his position clear when he voted against anti-discrimination legislation for LGBT folks.

Ponder.

A clarification

The owners of Green Creek Wineries read my review of their harvest festival and took issue with it in a very sternly-worded email. I want to make it clear that I did very much enjoy my time there and their wine was delicious. I did not take the tour that was being offered because it was very crowded and planned on making a return trip to tour the facilities and buy some more of their wine.

It seems I was mistaken about the jeweler. I was told she makes her own jewelry, and if so then she is highly talented. I saw a glossy-page catalog and made the assumption that the jewelry was from the catalog, not that she produced the catalog from her hand-made jewelry. My own personal taste still says that the jewelry is overly big and gaudy, but it was so well made that I assumed it was factory-produced.

They also challenged me to come up there and prove my own musical ability before judging someone else's ability. I don't have to do that. The musicians did not play much while I was there and when they did play I was not very impressed.

I do wish I had stayed long enough for the stomping; it looked like real fun.

The owners also took umbrage that I said they "bill themselves" as the inventors of the first red chardonnay, which they call Chardonnay Rosso. I phrased it that way because I haven't verified it. I'm not implying that they are lying or just pulling a PR stunt; I have no information one way or the other aside from their claim. I thought it was a neutral enough phrase. Oh, and I don't prefer red, so please don't go telling me that inventing a new red is ad oculos a great thing.

I wasn't put off by the presence of the politicians and their entourages. If anything that told me how important the festival was and I was delighted to see that the winery was so important.

I did have a good time, and enjoyed the wine. However, responding to customers or potential customers with anger is not the way to win people over. I'm much less inclined to visit them now, but did want to clarify my experiences just so nobody got the idea that I was bored or didn't have fun.