Overheard at school

After the announcements said that the cross country team was going to Appalachian State University for a meet:

I didn't know Appalachian became a state.  When did this happen?

To which another student replied:

Oh, I heard it on the news like last summer.

And, when discussing diatomic molecules (molecules made up of two atoms, di-atomic):

I wonder why we never hear of a monabolic plan.  Does that mean a diabolic plan is like plan B?

Oh how I want a dictionary and encyclopedia set in the room!

A crazy white boy

As I was doing laundry last night (in preparation for a certain trip), I was going back and forth to the laundry room in my shorts, tank top, and flip-flops.  The sky was clear, there was no wind, and the temperatures were around 20°C (just shy of 70°F).  Some guy was out on the front stoop of his building on the phone and I could hear him talking about me.  (Aside: why is it that people on cell phones think people around them can't hear them?)  It should be noted that he is wearing heavy sweat pants, boots, a thick hoodie sweatshirt with the hood up, and a stocking cap.

Man, this white boy is crazy.  He running around barely dressed and it freezing out.  Yeah, like 65 or something.

When I went to put the laundry in the dryer:

He still not dressed.  Crazy white boy think he at the beach or something.  Man!

What I saw in the drive-through ahead of me

[Not for reading while eating.]

A small white pickup, an import.  A man in his early 60s with a Jack Russell terrier on his lap.  The dog trying to leap out of the window to attack the server.  The man needing to hold the dog back with at least one hand at all times.  The door of the pickup opening.  The man brushing dog poo off his lap out of the cab of the truck.  The man reaching with the same hand to give the server his money and take the sack of food and drink.  The man closing the door to his truck.  The man driving off, swerving slightly as the terrier tries to bury its head in the food bag.

When I got to the window, I saw all of the servers in the restaurant washing and drying their hands.  I thanked them profusely and tried to make sure I didn't drive through the doggie nuggets just under the drive-through window.

FYI: This is the same drive-through as this post.

66 Hours

and counting...

When good writing goes bad

First, I offer a sign that says more about the writer of the sign than the subject of the sign.

 

Which must mean that McCain is quadroon fleece.  Yes, I used quadroon.  Look it up.

Also, Furman University (mascot: Paladins) is just a few miles from my apartment, and our local paper tries valiantly to get the readers' attention for the online article.  Here's the result of a headline and lede that really could have used some editing.

 

My favorite part?  The last four words.  I'm pretty sure the writer intended that as a cliffhanger to get people to click through.  Where exactly was the editor?  This totally fits my theory that copyeditors should all have dirty minds, just to prevent things like this. 

Here's a link to the original article, for as long as it works.  Click through to find nice, big targets, depth, position, staff, 69, and man coverage.  Seriuosly.

Posted without comment

A bit of academics

[In case you are one of the few people reading my blog who haven't read or seen Wicked, or don't know the plot, let this serve as your warning that I will be spoiling some plot twists.]

After grading all those chemistry papers, I just had to do something using the other side of my brain. 

As I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack the other day, I noticed something.  (I've been noticing a lot of things like this since myB has been teaching me about narrative theory and literary criticism.)  Elphaba and the Wizard have a bit of somethin'-somethin' going on before they figure out the Oedipal shocker.

Rule #1 in narrative theory and lit crit seems to be, "it's all about the sex, and if it isn't, it still is."

(Lyrics from ST Lyrics, whom I use all the time to get accurate lyrics to all my soundtrack songs.)

MADAME MORRIBLE:
(spoken)
Oh, Miss Elphaba
(sung/spoken)
Many years I have waited
For a gift like yours to appear
Why, I predict the Wizard
Could make you his
Magic grand vizier!
My dear, my dear
I'll write at once to the Wizard
Tell him of you in advance
With a talent like yours, dear
There is a defint-ish chance
If you work as you should
You'll be making good:

Madame Morrible isn't just using Shiz to find powerful witches or talented magic users for the Wizard, she is pimping them out!  If the magic gift is a metaphor for sexuality, Morrible is suggesting that Elphaba could become the head of the harem, the primary sexual outlet for the Wizard.    However, Elphaba is subject to the whims of the Wizard's fancy, just like any woman.  Her position is never guaranteed.  Look at all the conditionals: could, definit-ish, chance, if.  While she may have an inborn advantage over any of the other women, she will have to constantly prove herself worthy of the sexual attentions, but even that may not be enough if the Wizard just changes his mind.  (Did you notice in the show how only the women have magic abilities, and the Wizard resorts to trickery to accomplish his magic?  Only the women have expressed sexuality; men are free to use or ignore it as they desire.  The Wizard is powerful because he has convinced Oz that he is sexual, the most sexual.  Paging Dr. Freud.)

ELPHABA:
Did that really just happen?
Have I actually understood?
This weird quirk I've tried
To suppress or hide
Is a talent that could
Help me meet the Wizard
If I make good
So I'll make good;

Wicked is, among other things, a coming of age story.   Everyone goes through a period of uncertainty about their lives, their bodies, and their sexuality.  Elphaba is going through all of these doubts and Madame Morrible has offered her a way to define herself and make sense of the changes and weirdness she has experienced all her life and that are occurring more and more frequently.

Most teens, especially women, have to come to terms with their sexuality and choose whether to express it as a grown woman rather than repress it and remain a girl.  There are myriad examples in the literature and probably our own lives of how we first tried to express our sexual natures, how we may have wished that there were an older, more experienced person to guide us through the process, someone who accepts our sexuality as it is and is willing to mentor us without judgement, praising and celebrating our sexual natures.

When I meet the Wizard,
Once I prove my worth,
And then I meet the Wizard
What I've waited for since,
(Spoken: Since birth!)
And with all his Wizard wisdom,
By my looks, he won't be blinded.
Do you think the Wizard is (Spoken: dumb?)
Or, like Munchkins, so small-minded?
(Spoken: No!) He'll say to me,
"I see who you truly are -
A girl of whom I can rely!"
And that's how we'll begin
The Wizard and I:

Here goes Elphaba, having made her decision to accept Morrible's offer, off fantasizing like the teen girl she's written as.  You can almost picture her doodling bubble-letters in her school notebook: E+W inside a heart.  Writing "Wizard" hundreds of times and dotting the "i" with hearts every time.  Her first love, her first crush, her first experience with the notion that somebody could actually want her for who she is, not to perform some babysitting task.  To this point her father had treated her as a sexless substitute for her dead mother, to be the one who cares for Nessarose and does the domestic duties. 

Just like many kids find their first crush absolutely perfect and anyone who criticizes at all be damned, she preemptively defends the Wizard against what others might say, basking in the assumed praise for her loyalty and womanhood.

Once I'm with the Wizard
My whole life will change
'Cuz once you're with the Wizard
No one thinks you're strange!
No father is not proud of you,
No sister acts ashamed
And all of Oz has to love you
When by the Wizard, you're acclaimed
And this gift or this curse
I have inside
Maybe at last, I'll know why
When we are hand in hand -
The Wizard and I!

The further she gets into her fantasy, the more powerful her sexuality becomes.  For the first time she has given herself permission to embrace her sexuality without shame, even if only in her fantasies.  She becomes the lover of not just the most powerful man in Oz, but of all Oz itself.  She becomes a mother figure, reaping love where there once was rejection.  Her father and sister are no longer of any consequence.  To put it biblically, she cleaved from her family and clung to her new sexual identity.  Any doubts she had or might still have are becoming distant memories, childish flaws that she grew out of into absolutely certainty.  Or, at least that is her fantasy.

And one day, he'll say to me, "Elphaba,
A girl who is so superior,
Shouldn't a girl who's so good inside
Have a matching exterior?
And since folks here to an absurd degree
Seem fixated on your verdigris.
Would it be all right by you
If I de-greenify you?"

This has always struck me as a bit creepy (one might think the Wizard wasn't focused on her verdigris, but on something else that begins with a "v"), and thinking about this section got me thinking about the rest of the song.  Let's bring out the subtext:  

And soon, if I do everything right, he'll say to me, "Elphaba,

You are such a beautiful soul.

You are so mature, more than other girls your age,

We have a deep spiritual connection.

Let's take this to the next level.

You know how those idiots think you aren't worth anything?

Have sex with me so they'll know you are mine and worth caring about."

Green is a symbol in our culture of naïvete, of freshness and newness.  When the Wizard "de-greenifies" her, he is removing her innocence.  Remember, this is all still in her head, her fantasies.  The Wizard hasn't actually made such an offer, except through Madame Morrible, and that was really ambiguous.

And though of course,

That's not important to me.

"All right, why not?" I'll reply

Oh, what a pair we'll be

The Wizard and I;

Yes, what a pair we'll be

The Wizard and...

In the recording, you can hear the giggle in her voice.  She is still innocent, naïve, willing to go along with anything that will help her understand her sexuality and give meaning and importance to the chaos in her life.  Then there's a stop in the middle of a phrase, a gasp, a new feeling that she has never experienced before.  Not to get too graphic, but it's as though she has just now first touched herself in a sexual way, derailing her previous thoughts and taking her to a magical/sexual place.

Unlimited

My future is unlimited

And I've just had a vision

Almost like a prophecy

I know - it sounds truly crazy

And true, the vision's hazy

But I swear, someday there'll be

A celebration throughout Oz

That's all to do with me!

How many of us thought we could clearly see the future in terms of our lives with our first crush?  Planning the wedding, naming the kids, knowing exactly what color the living room walls will be.  In the context of this show, seeing the future is a literal possibility.  But if we go back to magic as a gift of sexuality, every time her magic abilities manifest, we can think of it as sexual arousal.  The outbursts of spells are almost orgasmic: uncontrolled, shocking, cathartic, embarrassing, consuming, and confusing.  Nobody has explained to her what they are, why she is having them, and how much they will take over her life.  She just knows that they feel right, they feel good, and she wants them to continue.  And she sees the Wizard as the one who can give her more frequent, more controllable, and more powerful "outbursts".

And I'll stand there with the Wizard,

Feeling things I've never felt.

And though I'd never show it,

I'll be so happy, I could melt!

And so it will be

For the rest of my life,

And I'll want nothing else

Till I die.

Held in such high esteem.

When people see me, they will scream

For half of Oz's favorite team;

The Wizard

And I!!!!

The clever lyrics ("I'll melt") make reference to what we know will happen from the movie.  Here, Stephen Schwartz employs his own gift of double-entendres in lyrics.  She says that she would want nothing more than the Wizard's full attention until her death.  In fact, once she gets the Wizard's attention, that sets forth all the actions that lead to her death at the hands of the Wizard's proxy: Dorothy.  People will scream when they saw her, but not because she is so famous and popular, but because they are terrified of her.  She is forever linked with the Wizard, but as enemies instead of collaborators.  Her sexuality and magic developed in opposition to this older sexual partner because he became a sexual and magical rival.